Today was not one of my best efforts at being human. But when you understand the desperate circumstances into which I was thrust, I’m sure you’ll agree that I had no choice. I had to make that fat bitch pay.
See, when you’re unemployed, you tend to sleep in. Late. Until the afternoon sun is beating in so powerfully, its rays penetrating the cracks in the soiled towels you use as curtains, that that first pull of Wild Turkey sitting on your nightstand is bound to be treacherously warm. So that’s one problem with sleeping in that late, and the only other one I can think of is that by the time you make a D+ attempt to clean your body and pull on your sweat pants, you’ve only got about an hour before the Chinese lunch buffet ends. And today, as you’ll see, that became a problem of blue whale shit sized proportions, mess and stink. Read the rest of this entry »
CHICAGO – General Motors Corp and popular Internet personality Martin Sargent said on Monday that they would end their endorsement deal at the end of the year.
GM, which has warned it will soon run short of cash and is asking the U.S. government for financial support amid the economic slowdown, and Sargent, who was recently laid off by Revision3 and has already run out of cash and faces eviction, called the arrangement “mutual and amicable,” though at a press conference Sargent could clearly be heard saying “whatever, fuck cars” under his breath.
They cited a desire by the Internet Superstar to spend more time at this filthy tavern where he routinely embarrasses himself, as well as a need for GM to cut costs as it struggles with declining demand in the U.S. market.
“In light of the news coming out of Washington, this decision is the result of discussions that started earlier in the year, and the timing of this agreement with these other activities is purely coincidental,” said Mark LaNeve, GM’s North American vice president of sales, in a statement.
Added Sargent, “Meh. Cars are gay.”
The Detroit automaker has been slashing marketing costs across all venues, previously disclosing reduced spending on motorsports, as well as eliminating television ads next year during such events as the Oscars and Emmy award shows and the National Football League’s Super Bowl championship game, and ending its estimated $10 million per year subsidization of online personality iJustine’s pancake makeup.
Terms of the arrangement were not disclosed although GM spokesman Pete Ternes said it ends the automaker’s five-year deal with Sargent a year early. Sources say Sargent will continue to drive his 1984 Cadillac Eldorado until it completely shits the bed, predicted to occur in early 2009.
