CIII. A Day Without Cats?
September 2nd, 2009
Here in the dog days of summer, Urlesque, a page owned by AOL that covers Internet trends, viral videos, memes and sundry other web ephemera, has let their true feelings about cats out of the bag. On 9.9.09, Urlesque is sponsoring an online movement called ‘A Day Without Cats on the Internet.’ Taking a cue from Asylum, another, though more male-oriented, web trends site that recently announced ‘A Day Without Megan Fox’ to protest the sultry actress’s overexposure online, ‘A Day Without Cats on the Internet’ aims to revolt against “the over-population of cats on the interwebs” seen in all those “funny cat photos and videos that infest your IM conversations, Facebook walls and e-mail forwards from mom.” Many other sites have agreed to heed the ban, including Best Week Ever, Dumb As A Blog, Lemondrop, PawNation, PetSugar, Popbytes, PopEater, The Presurfer, Rocketboom, Snuzzy, Tosh.0 Blog, ZooBorns, and Zoomdoggle.
But of all the things that repetitively annoy us online, are cats really the best target of our ire? Are cats even the least bit offensive? Sure, they’re overexposed, having been a mainstay of the online landscape since approximately 80% of Geocities and Angelfire users built pages about how their cat was the cutest, smartest feline in the world, but try snuggling with most of the other stuff that repeatedly wells up online. Cozy up with some of this other foul shit and you’re likely to vomit, catch an STD or be killed outright.
Therefore, I propose some alternative, more right-minded online blacklists.
Rather than ‘A Day Without Cats,’ how about ‘A Day Without Childhood Obesity?’ These fat, greedy little fucks are all over the web. You could give your computer Type 2 Diabetes loading one of their pages.
What would you rather see, an obese child or an obese cat? I’ll take the cat.
Or how about ‘A Day Without Animals With Erections?’ Or even a semi-hemi.
As part of my research I looked, and the closest thing I found to a cat with a chubby is this chubby cat:
Or how about ‘A Day Without Body Modifications?’
You never see a cat with body modifications. Only nitwits who try to modify their bodies into cats.
And more than a daylong ban, let’s strive to strike permanently from the Internet usage of the terms interweb, kewl, teh, ne1,‘nuff said, methinks, anything that adds the suffix ‘sauce,’ and describing something using a superlative adjective followed by a period followed by a noun followed by another period and ending with the word ‘ever.’ And bacon. There’s too much bacon lust online. Bacon is delicious, but bacon AK-47s are such a moronic waste of pork that even Justices Scalia and Thomas would vote to ban them under the Second Amendment.
You want to ban weirdos giving cat massages, fine.I support you 100%.
But anything further just inspires blackly evil violence towards cats from assholes like this. ‘Nuff said.
What would you like to see banned from the Internet? Share your thoughts in the message board below.
September 3rd, 2009 at 11:24 am
I agree on the bacon….
I’m tired of all this clothing made out of bacon. When did this start, exactly?
I’m also sick of imitation viral videos made by big-time ad agencies.
September 3rd, 2009 at 12:52 pm
Yes seriously when the fuck did bacon become trendy? stupid!
But i would like to see anything related to pop divas and hollywood actors banned, i´m so goddamn tired of these people.
September 3rd, 2009 at 2:27 pm
I am not in favor of bacon either. Way overrated. Tasty in moderation, but then so is rhubarb. I nominate the online rubes who include “patriot.” or “warrior” when refering to themselves in the AOL gay and political chat rooms.
September 6th, 2009 at 8:49 am
Hey Martin, someone used a clip of infected and put it on youtube with a title of “Revision3 infected Martin Sargent: LIBERALS making fun of people who died in 911 FULL CLIP”. I commented on the video pointing out how wrong he was and he basically said “Fuck you liberal”. The link is here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gr1ED9DVdNo
September 7th, 2009 at 7:34 pm
Either an astonishing example of synchronicity or else glaring proof that my nomination of banning right wing simpletons from the internets was totally on point. This knuckle dragger calls himself “GOPPATRIOT” when besmirching the good name of Martin, believe me, he trolls the AOL member created rooms going as “Lavenderlenny” when he’s on the cruise for a new French handyman. Stomp the redneck agenda.
September 9th, 2009 at 10:57 pm
Instead of flaming or trying to set the record straight about that YouTube post by GOPATRIOT, just comment on how kick-ass the clip is.
September 14th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
irony and post-______
September 25th, 2009 at 2:23 am
Bacon is overrated?? Thats like saying Jesus is overrated !! And yes thats right I am comparing the son of God to a pork product, get over it you whiny sniveling yellow-bellied deep fried goat lovers !! Lastly i would just like to say that the most annoying item or trend on the internet is comments and the idiots that waste everyones valuable time with jackass comments !! Death to all moron commenters !! Thanks and have a swell day.
TWIF rocks !!!
September 25th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
Finally! Someone else notices the bacon obsession.
September 25th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
What about banning advertising and the greasy partially nude people in it? It’s like a perpetual bowflex commercial. Maybe that’s where all of the bacon grease is going.
October 3rd, 2009 at 10:26 am
those are some strange pictures
thanks
the geeklayer team
October 8th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
You want fries with that?