Here in the dog days of summer, Urlesque, a page owned by AOL that covers Internet trends, viral videos, memes and sundry other web ephemera, has let their true feelings about cats out of the bag. On 9.9.09, Urlesque is sponsoring an online movement called ‘A Day Without Cats on the Internet.’ Taking a cue from Asylum, another, though more male-oriented, web trends site that recently announced ‘A Day Without Megan Fox’ to protest the sultry actress’s overexposure online, ‘A Day Without Cats on the Internet’ aims to revolt against “the over-population of cats on the interwebs” seen in all those “funny cat photos and videos that infest your IM conversations, Facebook walls and e-mail forwards from mom.” Many other sites have agreed to heed the ban, including Best Week Ever, Dumb As A Blog, Lemondrop, PawNation, PetSugar, Popbytes, PopEater, The Presurfer, Rocketboom, Snuzzy, Tosh.0 Blog, ZooBorns, and Zoomdoggle.

But of all the things that repetitively annoy us online, are cats really the best target of our ire? Are cats even the least bit offensive? Sure, they’re overexposed, having been a mainstay of the online landscape since approximately 80% of Geocities and Angelfire users built pages about how their cat was the cutest, smartest feline in the world, but try snuggling with most of the other stuff that repeatedly wells up online. Cozy up with some of this other foul shit and you’re likely to vomit, catch an STD or be killed outright.

Therefore, I propose some alternative, more right-minded online blacklists.

Rather than ‘A Day Without Cats,’ how about ‘A Day Without Childhood Obesity?’ These fat, greedy little fucks are all over the web. You could give your computer Type 2 Diabetes loading one of their pages.

What would you rather see, an obese child or an obese cat? I’ll take the cat.

Or how about ‘A Day Without Animals With Erections?’ Or even a semi-hemi.

As part of my research I looked, and the closest thing I found to a cat with a chubby is this chubby cat:

Or how about ‘A Day Without Body Modifications?’

You never see a cat with body modifications. Only nitwits who try to modify their bodies into cats.

And more than a daylong ban, let’s strive to strike permanently from the Internet usage of the terms interweb, kewl, teh, ne1,‘nuff said, methinks, anything that adds the suffix ‘sauce,’ and describing something using a superlative adjective followed by a period followed by a noun followed by another period and ending with the word ‘ever.’ And bacon. There’s too much bacon lust online. Bacon is delicious, but bacon AK-47s are such a moronic waste of pork that even Justices Scalia and Thomas would vote to ban them under the Second Amendment.

You want to ban weirdos giving cat massages, fine.I support you 100%.

But anything further just inspires blackly evil violence towards cats from assholes like this. ‘Nuff said.

What would you like to see banned from the Internet? Share your thoughts in the message board below.