Today was not one of my best efforts at being human. But when you understand the desperate circumstances into which I was thrust, I’m sure you’ll agree that I had no choice. I had to make that fat bitch pay.

See, when you’re unemployed, you tend to sleep in. Late. Until the afternoon sun is beating in so powerfully, its rays penetrating the cracks in the soiled towels you use as curtains, that that first pull of Wild Turkey sitting on your nightstand is bound to be treacherously warm. So that’s one problem with sleeping in that late, and the only other one I can think of is that by the time you make a D+ attempt to clean your body and pull on your sweat pants, you’ve only got about an hour before the Chinese lunch buffet ends. And today, as you’ll see, that became a problem of blue whale shit sized proportions, mess and stink. Read the rest of this entry »