Robots. I hate them. But only because they want to kill me. And guess what? They want to kill you too. That’s why I say: “Fuck robots.”

This newly released episode of Infected lays it all out there: Why robots are a menace that must be dealt with immediately, what human agencies are likely behind the robot scourge, and what we, a unified human force, not torn asunder by ultimately silly barriers such as politics, geography, and religion, must do in order to stop them.

We also talk about having sex with robots. But in my opinion, it’s only appropriate to give a robot a good rogering as a means of ultimately defeating it and its calamitous network, kind of like James Bond does with those spy ladies. Yes, I’m kind of like James Bond in a lot of ways. But one way I’m not like him is I’m a 100%, red-white-and-blue American. That’s right, an American warrior, fighting the robots. Fuck robots.

To learn as much as possible about how we can defeat the robots, make sure you watch the video (.mov) version (Revision3 direct link here, iTunes link here). Otherwise, you and your family are doomed.

Okay, Infected Army, let’s go kill ourselves some fucking robots…

Sorry I haven’t posted anything in so long.

You know, I’ll bet that last sentence has become the most popular opening line in blogging. Kind of like I imagine ‘If you don’t take me back I’m going to impale you straight the fuck through the torso with a cross country ski pole, because I love you so much and no other guy will ever love you this much,” has become the most popular opening line in reconciliatory love letters. That’s my theory, anyway.

Well, if you haven’t already listened to it, Infected by Martin Sargent, Episode 13, our Special Family Edition, has been available for download since August 7 (featuring an interview with Joey’s weirdo father, Claude-Louis Rabier–apparently pyromania is genetic).

It was an audio only version, but the episode we’ll be releasing this Sunday, The Robots Special, is in patented, Techtronic Sarge-O-Vision, as it deserves to be. I really hope you all watch these Peep Show editions and not just listen to the MP3s, because putting them together isn’t the breeziest task, and I don’t have a staff of lovable nitwits to order around anymore (hi, Paul, hope the rash cleared up and the weight came off), so most of the work lands on me.

We’ve got a new system in place, so expect a new episode of Infected every other Sunday, like atomic clockwork. If that somehow fails to happen, blame anyone but me.

Alright, I’ve got to level with you guys. The reason I haven’t blogged in so long is something really horrible happened to me a while back. It was unspeakable, in fact. The police are investigating, and have released this tape in hopes of finding the people who did this to me. It’s really hard to share this with you, but I need these people to be brought to justice so I can move on with my shattered life. Though I don’t know how I’ll ever be the same…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=paAvA-_ZpwA

If you have any leads, please send them directly to me at probemartin@gmail.com God, that email address was so horrifyingly prophetic…

(Also, if you know how I can embed a YouTube video using WordPress, let me know. I’ve tried pretty much tutorial I’ve found on Internet, though.)